Lessons from a Pool Hall

 

"In the past, a leader was a boss.  Today's leaders must be partners with their people....they no longer can lead solely based on positional power" - Ken Blanchard

 

"Everyone has a sign around their neck that says 'Make me feel important!'. Never forget that when working with people" - Mary Ash

"To be trusted is a better compliment than to be loved" - George MacDonald

In the neighborhood I grew up in, there were many opportunities to get into trouble.  And if it was too cold, or too wet, or if you just needed a place to hang out and kill time, there were enough pool halls and billiard rooms in that neighborhood at the time to fill a city block from end to end all the way around. 

 

Invariably, as teenagers often do, I found my way into one of them.  Besides the usual coterie of men playing cards or drinking coffee in a smoke filled and darkened room, replete with the smell of beer, stale cigarettes, and old wood, there was something else I learned in those pool halls that I've carried with me during all this time since those days. 

 

Coffee can bring people together. 

 

Pool halls are great equalizers.  No one cares how old or young you are.  No one cares about the color of your skin, your religion, your ethnic background.  No one cares if you pulled up in a Mercredes or on a bicycle.  What really matters is how you behave while you're there.  It's all about getting along, even if you disagree. 

 

Especially if you disagree. 

 

And you'd be disagreeing with people (seemingly) hourly; about whether your shot kissed another ball or not, about whether you were taking too much time deciding to call another's hand in a game of cards or not, about money owed, about politics, about sports, about current events, about history.    

 

And in the end, after all the loud and vigorous debating, you'd settle down with a cup of coffee and talk; reinforcing and cementing bonds of respect that would see you through the next (inevitable) disagreement.

 

Those thousands of cups of coffee and conversations were an opportunity to sit, listen and learn from another individual. That kind of a conversation can also be powerful employee motivation as well. Just like in a pool hall, it can head off conflict.  It can aid in solidifying relationships, or in starting new ones.  Just sharing a cup of coffee gives you a great chance to learn important information about yourself, your employees, your company, and even your competitors.

 

Coffee with Your Employees

Do you have regular meetings with each of your key employees, your direct reports? Are these weekly meeting frequently interrupted because both of you are so busy and someone always has a "crisis" that needs one or the other of you to deal with it? Do you ever feel you could get more done if you just had a half hour without interruptions? Maybe getting out of the board room and taking the other person out for a cup of coffee is the solution.

 

One place I worked had a coffee shop in the ground floor of the building and another across the street. There was also a breakfast restaurant half a block away where you could get coffee. However, usually I would just sneak off to the employee lunch room. I would "buy" a cup of coffee for the person I was meeting with and we would sit at one of the tables and talk. No phones, no cell phones, and I would ignore my Blackberry.

 

Coffee Isn't Always Coffee

"Grabbing a cup off coffee together" doesn't have to only mean coffee. If you or the person with whom you are meeting doesn't care for coffee, or just wants a break from it, there are plenty of alternatives. Tea and cocoa are a couple of other alternatives that come to mind. In fact, in many countries, tea may be the preferred alternative. However, it doesn't have to stop there. The whole point is to get away from the distractions for a little while, so the beverage really doesn't matter. Bottled water may suit. Sports drinks, fruit juices, and sodas are all acceptable. It only needs to be something relatively inexpensive that is readily available, can be served quickly, and that you can linger over while you talk.

 

Coffee Has No Alcohol

The one thing you want to avoid is anything alcoholic. Regardless of the time of day, going out for a "beer" or "having a glass of wine" makes it more of a social event than a business meeting. Besides, you don't want either of you to be impaired, and alcohol can do that. Certainly, there can be the temptation to get the other person to relax a little so they will be more open with you, but using alcohol to do so is unethical and underhanded. Being open and honest with them will produce the same results without the potential embarrassment.

 

Listen. Really Listen.

Remember the reason you are having this chat in the coffee shop instead of your office is to learn something from the other person. It might be that you want them to get all the way through the trouble report without an interruption. It could be that you want to hear their ideas for the new product or how to fix the old one. It can be just as important to check their temperature as to check the coffee's and to find out if they are overstressed and why. The key element in all of these is you need to keep your mouth shut and your ears open.

 

Listening, of course, is more than just letting the other person speak. You have to focus your undivided attention on what they are saying. Remember you left the office to get away from the distractions there, so don't distract yourself here by letting your mind wander. Actively listening also means occasionally repeating a statement of theirs back to them to show you are listening and to encourage them to keep talking. The Japanese even have a word for this, aizuchi.

Managing This Issue

A coffee break gives you a chance to get away from the distractions and interruptions. It allows people to connect in a more human, social way which in turn allows for a chance to understand eachother or at the very least, each person's position.  It can also act as a release valve to vent any pressure or frustrations the other party might feel and result in more open and frank conversations with your peers or subordinates.  It is a simple and effective way to build those relationships that are so crucial in our careers.  Who knows?  It may even lead to new friendships that will stay with us long after we leave the business world.

Wouldn't that be great?

 

 

If you have any suggestions or topics you'd like to see covered, or if you'd like help with an issue you're currently experiencing, please drop me a line at gbossinakis@live.com
.
.