Dealing With Difficult Employees Part II: Types And How To Deal With Them

"You must look into other people as well as at them."

~ Lord Chesterfield

"We are far more liable to catch the vices than the virtues of our associates"
~ Denis Diderot
       

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of three of your associates . If they’re okay, then it’s you.” 

~  Rita Mae Brown

"I don’t like that man.  I must get to know him better'

~ Abraham Lincoln

In this second part, I will try and list the 6 most common "difficult" personality traits I have encountered in both my professional and private life, and what strategies and tactics I have found are effective in either dealing with them or in getting them to positively contribute, for I believe that everyone, no matter how "difficult" they can be, has something to offer.

1. The Aggressor

Dealing with hostile people requires both tact and strength. Since persons who feel they have been wronged are more likely to be belligerent and aggressive/violent, you should first try to be sure they have been dealt with fairly.

In addition, it would be wise to help them meet as many of their needs as possible without reinforcing their aggressiveness or discriminating in their favor. Likewise, avoid interactions with them that encourage intense emotions or threats of violence. Certainly do not interact with these angry people when they are drinking or carrying weapons.

Say or do nothing that would incite more anger or, on the other hand, cause you to appear to be scared, weak, and a “pushover.”

In most cases, strong retaliation against an aggressive person is the worst thing you can do. Nastiness begets nastiness. Hostility escalates. Threats of punishment may also work. Remember punishment is only effective while the punished is observing — watch out for subtle rebellion.

If you can divert the angry person’s attention to some meaningful task or a calm discussion of the situation, the anger should subside. Also, offer him/her any information that would explain the situation that upsets him/her. Point out similarities or common interests between him/her and the person they are mad at (you). Let him/her see or hear about calm, rational ways of resolving differences. Almost anything that gets him/her thinking about something else will help.

I have dealt with many such personality types, and have compiled this brief list which outlines some basic ways in which I have calmed an angry person.  Since some of these people were, in the end, some of the most loyal and reliable members of my team, I can vouch for the effectiveness of the following:

• reduce the noise level
• keep calm yourself
• acknowledge that the irate person has been wronged (if true) or, at least, acknowledge their feelings without any judgment
• ask them to explain their situation (so you can tactfully correct errors)
• listen to their complaints without counter-attacking
• explain your feelings with non-blaming “I” statements
• show that you care but set limits on their aggressiveness (“I’d like to work it out with you but I’ll have to call security if you can’t control yourself”).

I have found that this personality type can be an asset to a group, because if properly handled and motivated, they will be the ones who will keep the group persevering if the goals seems hopeless or an extreme stretch.  Their aggressiveness requires focus, so give them a mountain to move.  They might just surprise you and ask you where you want it put.

2. The Chronic Complainer

What about the chronic complainers? They can bring the morale of any group down due to their fault-finding, blaming, and certainty about what should be done, but they never seem able to correct the situation by themselves. Often they have a point — there are real problems — but their complaining is not effective (except it is designed to prove someone else is responsible).

Coping with complainers involves, first, listening and asking clarifying questions, even if you feel guilty or falsely accused.

There are several don’ts:

• don’t agree with the complaints,
• don’t apologize (not immediately),
• don’t become overly defensive or counter-attack because this only causes them to restate their complaints more heatedly.

Secondly, as you gather facts, create a problem-solving attitude. Be serious and supportive. Acknowledge the facts. Get the complaints in writing and in precise detail; get others, including the complainer, involved in collecting more data that might lead to a solution.

In addition to what is wrong, ask “What should happen?” If the complainer is unhappy with someone else, not you, you may want to ask, “Have you told (the complainee) yet?” or “Can I tell __________?” or “Can I set up a meeting with them?”

Thirdly, plan a specific time to make decisions cooperatively that will help the situation…and do it.

The complainer's eye for pointing out the issues that need looking after comes naturally for him.  You can and should use them to the advantage of the group in order to identify any issues you may have missed.

3. The Super-Agreeable

What about the persons who are super nice and smilingly agrees with your ideas until some action is required, then they back down or disappear?

Such people seek approval. They have learned, probably as children, that one method for getting liked is by telling people (or pretending) you really care for and/or admire them.

Similarly, the super-agreeables will often promise more than they deliver: “I’ll get the report done today” or “I’d love to help you clean up.” They are experts in phoniness, so don’t try to “butter them up.”

Instead, reassure the super-agreeable that you will still like them even if they tell you the truth. Ask them to be candid and make it easy for them to be frank: “What part of my plan is okay but not as good as it could be?” Help them avoid making promises they can’t keep: “Are you sure you can have the money by then? How about two weeks later?”

Tell and show them you value their friendship. Let them know you are ready to compromise because you know they will be more than fair.

And their fairness in the end will be a sounding board for the group to come to and use whenever needed.

4. The Know-It-All Expert

Know-it-all experts are of two types: the truly competent, productive, self-assured, genuine expert and the partially informed person pretending to be an expert. Both can be a pain, but for different reasons.

The true expert may act superior and make others feel stupid; they may be bull headed and impatient with differing opinions; they are often self-reliant, don’t need or want any help, and don’t want to change.

If you are going to deal with the true expert as an equal, you must do your homework thoroughly; otherwise, they will dismiss you. First of all, listen to them and accurately paraphrase their points. Don’t attack their ideas but rather raise questions that suggest alternatives: “Would you tell me more?” or “What do you think the results will be in five years?” “It probably isn’t a viable choice but could we consider…?”

Secondly, show your respect for his/her competence but don’t put yourself down.

Lastly, if the expert can not learn to consider others’ ideas, you may be wise to graciously accept a subordinate role as his/her “helper.” Too many times, I have observed the egos of upper management render companies oblivious to what needs to be done because the decision makers would like to believe themselves to be the only ones who are truly gifted with insight, knowledge, or deductive reasoning. 

They are wrong, and the corporate world is full of failed companies who's leaders didn't want to consider the advice of people smarter than them.

True experts deserve respect.  They can give your team an enormous advantage.

The pretentious-but-not-real expert is relatively easy to deal with because he/she (unlike liars or cons) is often unaware of how little he/she knows. Such a person can be gently confronted with the facts. Do it when alone with them. Help them save face. They simply want to be admired.

5. The Pessimist

Another “burden” to any group is the pessimist –the person who always says, “It won’t work” or “We tried that.” These angry, bitter people have the power to drag us down because they stir up the old pool of doubt and disappointment within us.

So, first of all, avoid being sucked into his/her death-spiral of hopelessness. Don’t argue with the pessimist; don’t immediately offer solutions to the difficulties predicted by the pessimist.

Instead, make optimistic statements — showing that change is possible — and encourage the group to brainstorm leading to several possible alternatives. Then ask what are the worst possible consequences of each alternative (this gives the negativist a chance to do his/her thing but you can use the gloomy predictions in a constructive, problem-solving way).

Also ask, “What will happen if we do nothing?” Finally, welcome everyone’s help but be willing to do it alone because the pessimist won’t volunteer.

The pessimist can however serve a productive role, once you can navigate across the negativity, in that they can inform you if your ideas have been tried before and what were the causes of their failure.  After all, there is no use in repeating the same mistakes of the past. 

6. The Staller

Every group has a “staller,” a person who puts off decisions for fear their career or job will be put in jeopardy if their decision isn't "the right one".

Unlike the super-agreeable, I have found that the staller is truly interested in being helpful. So, make it easier for him/her to discuss and make decisions. Try to find out what the staller’s real concerns are (he/she won’t easily reveal negative opinions of you, however).

Don’t make demands for quick action. Instead, help the staller examine the facts and make compromises or develop alternative plans (and decide which ones take priority). Give the staller reassurance about his/her decision and support the effective carrying out of the decision.



 It is our job as managers to manage the varying personality types occurring in our teams in order to effectively maximize their performance while developing them further along into something greater.  In order to do that, it is not enough to simply give instructions, monitor their actions, and dole out compliments or corrective measures;  we must learn that managing any group is more like conducting a symphony orchestra, with our people representing the instruments:  every instrument sounds different, is heard at different parts during the performance, and is necessary to the overall performance. 

Only when we recognize the uniqueness of every personality and accept the positive part everyone can have to play can we hope to overcome some of the more challenging aspects of our personalities.

Together.

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If you have any suggestions or topics you'd like to see covered, or if you'd like help with an issue you're currently experiencing, please drop me a line at gbossinakis@live.com. 
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Dealing with Difficult Employees, Part I

"When dealing with people, remember, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion"

~ Dale Carnegie

"A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superiority; and you must deal with him from that point of view"

~Alfred Adler

"Business, more than any other occupation, is a continual dealing with the future behaviour of people;  it is a continual calculation, an instictive exercise in foresight."

~Henry R. Luce

"If you want to learn how to deal with difficult people, have a few kids"

~ Overheard in a Chicago bar

All managers will have to deal with difficult employees during their careers. It is a chore all managers endure, all managers despise, and few, if any, ever learn to do effectively.  I will offer some clarification on the most common "difficult" character traits present in any group, and tips on how to effectively deal with them, in Part II.

First, there will always be difficult employees. Infact, I have observed that what we often deem to be "difficult" or "odd" behaviour in a person is really present in order to help this person maintain their psychological balance.  "Difficult" people in this context are the people we don’t know how to deal with us or those who are difficult for us to deal with due to (perceived or otherwise) them being stubborn, arrogant, oversensitive, or any trait that needs a special type of treatment  Second, it's your job as the manager to deal with them. If you don't deal the problem, it will only get worse and impact the lives of those around you (and the subject employee) who would be looking to you for leadership.

Why Are Difficult Employees Like That?

Difficult employees are that way simply because it is a behavior that has worked for them in the past. They may not know any other behavior, or, they may choose this behavior when they think it will be most effective. You will be successful in dealing with difficult employees only to the extent that you can make these undesirable behaviors no longer effective for them.

In many ways, it's like dealing with children. If every times a child screams, its parents give it candy, what will the child do the next time it wants candy? 

The same is true for the employee who "blows up" whenever anyone disagrees with him. When he does that, people stop disagreeing with him and he thinks he has won.

How Can A Manager Deal With Difficult Employees

• Evaluate

It is important when dealing with difficult employees to act quickly. Often you will need to act almost immediately to neutralize a dangerous situation. However, it is always appropriate to think before you act.

Clearly if an employee comes to work with a gun, you will need to act more quickly than when someone complains that another employee is always taking credit for her work. In either case, take the appropriate amount of time to evaluate the situation before you act. You don't want to make it worse.

Recognize that most employees can be "difficult" from time to time. This can be caused by stress on the job or away from it. Some employees are difficult more often than others. It is not always your least-productive employees who are difficult. So take a moment to evaluate each situation for the unique situation it is.

• Do your homework

 Always act on facts. Don't base your actions on gossip or rumor, or even your own preconceptions and/or opinions.  You can't allow yourself to be anything but impartial.   The person(s) spreading the gossip is a difficult employee in their own way and must be dealt with when the immediate need has passed. 

If you have not seen the inappropriate behavior yourself, look into it. Ask the people reportedly involved. Collect all the facts you can before you act. Don't use the fact that you haven't seen the inappropriate behavior as an excuse to delay doing something. It is important to act promptly.

Make sure you aren't part of the problem. It will be much more difficult to remain calm and impartial in confronting the difficult behavior if you are partly responsible. If that's the case, be sure you acknowledge your role in it, at least to yourself.

• Develop a plan

 You're a manager. You know the value of planning. This situation is no different.

You need to plan the timing of the confrontation. You need to select a quiet, private place where you won't be interrupted. You need to decide whether you need to have others, like an HR representative, present in the meeting. Plan the confrontation and then make it happen.

When you have prepared, it is time to act. You do not need to act impulsively, but you must act quickly. The longer an inappropriate behavior is allowed to continue, the harder it will be to change it or stop it.

• Confront the problem

Don't put it off. It may not be pleasant, but it's an important part of your job. It will not "fix itself". It can only get worse. You have planned this confrontation. Now you need to execute.

• Deal with the behavior, not the person

Your goal is to develop a solution, not to "win". Focus on the inappropriate behavior; don't attack the person. Use "I" statements like "I need everybody on the team here on time so we can meet our goals" rather than "you" statements like "you are always late".

Don't assume the inappropriate behavior is caused by negative intent. It may be from fear, confusion, lack of motivation, personal problems, etc.

This is the important part; the part most managers never get right:  Give the other person a chance to develop a solution to the problem. They are more likely to "own" the solution if they are at least partially responsible for developing it.

• Try to draw out the reasons behind the behavior

As you talk with the difficult employee, actively listen to what they say. Stay calm and stay positive, but remain impartial and non-judgmental. Ask leading questions that can't be answered in one or two words.

Don't interrupt. When you do respond to the difficult employee, remain calm. Summarize back to them what they just said, "so what I understand you are saying is.....", so they know you are actually listening to them.
If you can find out from the difficult employee what the real source of the inappropriate behavior is, you have a much better chance of finding a solution.

Sometimes these confrontations will go smoothly, or at least rapidly, to a conclusion. Other times it will require several sessions to resolve the problem.

• Repeat as necessary

Minor problems, like being late for work, you may be able to resolve with a simple chat in your office with the employee. An office bully, who has used that behavior successfully since elementary school, may need more than one confrontation before a solution can be reached. Be patient. Don't always expect instant results. Aim for continuous improvement rather than trying to achieve instant success.

• Know when you are in over your head

Sometimes the underlying issue with a difficult employee will be beyond your capabilities. The employee may have psychological problems that require professional help, for example. Learn when to keep trying and when to refer the employee to others for more specialized help. Your company may have an EAP (employee assistance plan) or you may need to use resources from the community.

• Know when you are at the end

While the goals is always to reach a mutually acceptable solution that resolves the difficult employees inappropriate behavior and keeps your team at full strength, sometimes that is not possible. When you reach an impasse and the employee is not willing to change his or her behavior then you need to begin terminations procedures in accordance with your company's policies.

Coming to a Solution

The desired result from confronting a difficult employee's inappropriate behavior is an agreed upon solution, and the inappropriate behavior will continue unless you and the employee agree upon said solution. You will get more buy in and greater results if the employee plays a role in crafting the strategy on how to get there.

Your employees will always needs to know what is inappropriate about their behavior just as much as they also need to know what is appropriate behavior. The need for a manager to communicate clearly is always high, but it is especially important in these situations. Make very sure the employee understands the requirements, what is expected of him, and, if necessary, the consequences.

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Part II continues here

If you have any suggestions or topics you'd like to see covered, or if you'd like help with an issue you're currently experiencing, please drop me a line at gbossinakis@live.com. 
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From Manager to Leader

"Leadership:  The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it"
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

"I think leadership comes from integrity - that you do and act as you would have other do and act.  I think there are non-obvious ways to lead.  Just by providing a good example makes it possible for other people to see better ways to do things.  Leadership does not need to be a dramatic, fist in the air and trumpets blaring activity"

~ Scott Berkun

"There go my people.
I must follow them for I am their leader."
~Alexandre Ledru-Rollin

Ask anyone and they'll tell you. There's a difference between managers and leaders.

Ask them what that difference is and they may have a bit more difficulty. Suddenly the words become amorphous and undefined. Somehow leadership is either what you "do" i.e., you're put in charge of a group, a department, or a territory, and suddenly you are referred to as "a leader"; or, it's an intangible - a charismatic component that some people have and others simply don't. That's why, according to the ubiquitous "they", it is such a rarity.

Both instances are wrong.

The difference between being a manager and being a leader is simple. Management is a career. Leadership is a calling.

Or, in the business context, the Management title is bestowed upon you by your superiors whereas the Leadership mantle is given to you by your character and the loyalty of those who work for you.  Your people must listen to their Manager; but they want to follow their leader.

You don't have to be tall, well-spoken and good looking to be a successful leader. You don't have to have that "special something" to fulfill the leadership role.

What you have to have is clearly defined convictions - and, more importantly, the courage of your convictions to see them manifest into reality. Only when you understand your role as guide and steward based on your own most deeply held truths can you move from manager to leader.

Whether the group you oversee is called employees, associates, co-workers, teammates or anything else, what they are looking for is someone in whom they can place their trust. Someone they know is working for the greater good - for them and for the organization. They're looking for someone not only that they can - but that they want to - follow.

Because it is only when you have followers -people who have placed their trust in you - that you know you have moved into that leadership role. And the way you see it is that your organization is transcending all previous quality, productivity, innovation and revenue achievements. You're operating at such a high level of efficiency that you're giving budget back to the corporation - and you're still beating your goals.

You're achieving what you always dreamed could be achieved. And not only that, but it's actually easier than you thought.

Because you're a leader. Because the classic command and control management model - which, contrary to popular belief still applies even in our most progressive 21st century companies - is no longer in play. Sure, controls are in place. Sure, you're solving problems that arise.

But it's not just you alone. You have the people in whom you've put your trust - and who have happily and safely reciprocated - to help you create organizational success.

Where to start? Begin by discovering exactly what your convictions are. Clarify and codify for yourself what you believe in. Then, take a nice step back and see how those beliefs are playing out in the organization as it stands today.

Don't start with an organizational assessment based on the numbers or your opinions about others. This is not about "them." This is all about you.

Ask yourself:

• What is important to me? What are my values, beliefs, ethics?
• How am I demonstrating those values, beliefs and ethics every day?
• Is the larger organization designed to support my values, beliefs and ethics?
• Where are the disconnects within my immediate organization and for myself with the larger enterprise?
• What can I do to change how I behave with my immediate organization to demonstrate my belief in them?
• What additional assistance do my employees need to succeed and how can I ensure that they get everything they need and more to create personal and organizational success?

Realistically, you'll go through this process not once, but many, many times. This is a periodic reality and cross-check to see how you're doing in your own context and, as you begin making changes, in the larger context.

Because, while you can and should expect yourself and your immediate organization to make changes, you cannot - and should not - expect the larger organization to immediately respond or follow suit. This is a personal journey designed to assist you in being more - and helping those whose lives you touch to be more. Give the organization time. It'll get there. It's just a little bit slow.

What's Next?

As you identify your convictions and begin aligning your behaviors with those convictions, you are going to need to take steps to build a collaborative culture based on where you're going.

To do that, seek input from your employees about what they need and what their dreams are for their jobs and the larger organization. (They have them, you know). Talk to internal and external customers and suppliers about their needs. Find out what more and what else you can be and do to create success.

Enroll and engage in conversation and communication. Sit back. Listen. Take in as much as you can. Look for trends and themes. Find out where the possibilities are - the connects and disconnects that you can effect.

Be more. Be all those things you always believed about yourself - and usually bring to the rest of your life.

Leaders aren't made or born. Leadership is a choice - a belief in and commitment to, everything that is good and noble within you.

If you have any suggestions or topics you'd like to see covered, or if you'd like help with an issue you're currently experiencing, please drop me a line at gbossinakis@live.com. 
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